


C'mon Let Me Ride

by Lady_Rougarou



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Darcy is the fandom bicycle and I love it, F/F, F/M, Fandom Bicycle, M/M, Multi, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Pre-Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, SHIELD Agent Darcy Lewis, pre-AOU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:56:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3902131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Rougarou/pseuds/Lady_Rougarou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve never knew that Darcy was an aspiring cyclist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. LiveStrong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tayitude](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tayitude/gifts).



> This is so not the prompt I was given.
> 
> Title comes from [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhxPBrxxaqc) ridiculous song.

Darcy’s at the desk outside of Coulson's office as usual, fielding one of his calls when Steve passes by. He lifts his hand in something between a wave and a salute and she beams before miming a bullet to the head while she deals with whoever is on the line.

Steve likes Darcy because pop culture references aside, he can understand most of what she’s saying. It’s not like he doesn't appreciate all the brilliant minds he’s surrounded with but she’s the type of down to earth, feisty gal a guy like Steve can relax around. Thor doesn't feel the need to constantly defend her and neither does Steve.

That’s why, when he walks into the conference room and overhears the conversation going on within, he’s furrowing his brows in consternation.

“--Bruce said Wilson was gone for over two hours, so Darcy rode _his_ bike and--” Tony’s saying. He’s leaning with his hip against the oak table in the center of the room, back to Steve. Clint isn't far from him, standing with his arms folded as he listens. Neither of them notices Steve.

“Seriously?”

“Keep up, Locksley.”

Clint flips Tony the bird.

“Wilson’s gone for two hours. Once I start to look into this purely out of knowledge for knowledge's sake, JARVIS tells me that Sam Wilson's whereabouts during that time cannot be confirmed. He lost Wilson in the elevator. The only place I don’t have personal access to cameras is on this floor.”

“Bingo,” Clint says. He looks absolutely gleeful and Steve wonders again what he’s walked into. “Level 10 restrictions. So, Coulson and Fury too. It’s gotta be happening in one of their offices or else it's in.. here.”

This is not the first time he's heard this type of conversation about Darcy. Steve can tell by body language alone that Tony is pleased that Clint has come to the same conclusion so quickly. “I've got Pepper on it. Darcy Lewis is riding all the bigwigs around here harder than Lance Armstrong.”

“The cyclist?” Steve finally speaks up and makes himself known, because he understands that reference. The doping scandal was still all over the news when he’d woken up in 2012. It isn’t often that this happens so he can’t help himself.

“Shit,” says Clint.

Steve frowns just as Tony’s turning around to face him. The room is now thick with awkwardness.

"Cap," Tony says in one of his most flirtatious tones. Steve ignores it. Steve always ignores it.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he says, heading around the two men to the further end of the oblong table. He pulls out a rolling chair and takes a seat, placing his hands on the table and sitting ramrod straight. “What’s Darcy got to do with Lance Armstrong?”

“They've both got one testicle.” Clint’s looking so pleased with himself that Steve doesn't know what to make of it. Steve shakes his head.

“Oookay,” he says. There’s no point in trying to dig any deeper. He’s also pretty sure that Darcy does _not_ have a testicle but this is 2015 so he can't be 100% on this.

“My friends!” Thor booms as he strides into the room with Mjolnir over his shoulder. The man goes straight to the donuts and begins to load up a plate. Steve’s about to put all of that confusing business behind him when Thor says, “Who has but a single testicle?”

“Darcy,” says Clint immediately.

Thor has just taken a bite of a donut. He sets it down on the top of his pile and moves toward the table. Through a mouthful of pastry, he says, “I can assure you that Darcy has a full set of testicles.”

“Thor,” Steve starts to say, because this is getting to be too much, but both Tony and Clint guffaw and drown his protest out.

“She has confided in me that she keeps them in a jar at her bedside.”

Steve sighs deeply.

“Souvenirs?” He can hear the leer in Tony’s voice so he doesn't turn his head to look. “She must be spending time with Nat.”

“Between bike sessions?” Clint crows.

At least Thor looks as confused as Steve now. The Asgardian's eyebrows are furrowed as he attempts to understand what is being said.

“Cycling sessions?” Steve once again hopes for clarification.

“I've never known Darcy to cycle,” Thor says, “but I am mostly engaged with Jane when we are together so perhaps this is something I missed.”

“Let’s talk about that for a moment. When you’re engaged with Jane, do--” Tony’s saying and then Coulson's knocking on frame of the conference room door to get their attention, putting an end to all of this ridiculousness. Steve’s not sure if the agent has overheard anything but everyone goes quiet.

“Director Fury’s postponing this meeting due to unforeseen circumstances. You’re all free to go. I've already told Dr. Banner and left a message for Agent Romanoff. ”

“Thank you, Agent Coulson,” Steve says and that’s music to Steve’s ears because usually he has to sit through this sort of uncomfortable banter until Fury shows up. Then, it becomes the Tony and Fury Show with Steve as the mediator but that’s another story entirely. So Steve gives everyone a nod and pushes back the chair to stand.

He looks at Tony and Clint, who are both still smirking. “I’ll see you two in the gym. Tony and I are sparring at three. Clint, you’re up at five. No armor.” That wipes the amusement right off of their faces. Steve can’t be sure but he thinks everything being said earlier was maybe a little insulting toward Darcy and he won’t stand for that. Steve salutes and walks out of the room before they can argue.

Thor’s not far behind him but while Thor and his donuts head toward the elevator, Steve instead stops at Darcy’s desk. 


	2. Interlude: Current Events

When Steve and Thor are gone, Natasha seems to materialize out of the corner hidden behind the open door. She's stirring a cup of coffee with a long, thin blade.

“Hey, boys.” Natasha’s mouth quirks up on one side in her trademark smirk. Her voice is quiet and devoid of any emotion. “You seem awfully hostile toward Ms. Lewis. Is it because you think women don’t have sexual appetites, or that they aren't as valid as any man’s?”

She takes a dainty sip of her coffee as she watches the horror register on Clint’s face. Tony curls his lip in a half-disguised cringe. Natasha knows that they think she beheads and devours her partners like a mantis; she’s overheard them discussing it. Natasha is fine with that, even approves.

Tony has a brilliant remark on the tip of his tongue, Natasha just knows it, so before he can respond, she says,

“Or maybe it's because Darcy is getting more dick than either of you.”

She shrugs like,  _Who knows?_ and makes her exit as silently as she appeared.


	3. Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You should totally follow me on tumblr (lady-rougarou.tumblr.com) and tell me what a piece of shit I am for never updating.

It's a typical day in the SHIELD neighborhood as far as Darcy's concerned. Telemarketers and credit card companies have been ringing Coulson's phone off the hook as usual and she's the lucky lady to tell them where to shove it. As far as jobs go, this one's not too bad, _and_ she's still Jane's number one best (and only) intern.

Darcy only notices that Steve Rogers,  _Captain freaking America_ , is standing at her desk when she rotates in her chair and his glorious, dorito-shaped torso is blocking the usual glaring eleven o'clock sunlight. 

"Hey, Cap!" She's honestly surprised because while Steve usually waves at her and is kind to her when she accompanies Jane and Thor into Avengers Tower, here at SHIELD he's never actually approached her. Darcy performs what she hopes is a smart salute; she's added two more fingers to the usual single digit. "Glorified secretary at your service."  
  
Belatedly, she moves to minimize her computer screen but it seems Steve never noticed any of what was going on there. It's better that America's Sweetheart never discovers Tumblr and if he does, Darcy Lewis will not be the one who showed it to him.  
  
"Everything alright, Darcy?" Steve asks her, and Darcy does not know how to react. He appears concerned and Darcy can't think of anything un-American she's done lately. She sits back in her chair and tries to think of a patriotic response. Steve takes her silence and bad posture as a sign that no, everything is not alright. His brows furrow further.

"Yes? I'm fine?" she says hesitantly, and that doesn't seem to satisfy him.

"I've heard some confusing talk about you."

Oh, God. Is that disappointment she's detecting in those baby blues? Darcy spins in the chair once and gets herself together. When she returns to facing Steve, she says, "Whatever you've heard about me is a dirty lie."

Which might even be true. Probably not, but maybe.

That wipes the look of desperate concern right off of Steve's face. He tilts his head as he studies Darcy and she hopes he likes what he sees because she has no idea where any of this is going.

"Are you a cyclist?"

Darcy's brows go up. That segue came out of nowhere. How's any of this is connected? "I don't have a bike."

"That's what was bothering me, I think. Tony's out of touch with the working poor." Darcy manages to keep a laugh bottled up inside. "Are you having to borrow other people's bicycles to ride?"

"Dude, I don't even know how to _ride_ a bike." But she's totally broke so she won't contest that.

"Tony and Clint said you were riding Sam's bike on this floor.." Steve trails off, suddenly appearing unsure of himself. He might be confused but instantly Darcy gets it.

And she's pissed. How the hell is her personal life gossip-worthy? Don't the Avengers have anything better to do like, you know, saving New York continuously? Iron Man's a genius nerd version of a dudebro and Hawkeye has hawk eyes for all the hottest new recruits so neither one of them has any room to be gossiping about her. Those two shit talkers are going to get some Thor-meted revenge headed their way if Darcy has any say in it but first, she's got to diffuse this situation.

Captain America is not ready to hear about a woman's sexual freedom in the twenty-first century. The guy's only just barely conquered satellite television.

She lifts both of her hands in a gesture of _whatever_ and says, "I don't know where they're getting their obscure information but I don't even know how to ride a bike."

Steve looks appalled. "You don't? But didn't you father teach you..?"

"I never had a dad. Single mom," she says and watches as this information breaks Steve's All-American heart. Shit, this is getting deep. Maybe too deep. Darcy begins to fidget.

"Hey, I'm sorry about that," Steve says, and he puts a large, warm hand on her shoulder. Steve's more upset about Darcy not having a dad than Darcy is. Jane's never going to believe any of this. After a few quiet moments and Darcy's constant throat clearing, Steve says, "Tomorrow's Saturday, right? Keep your schedule open if you can."

"Yeah, okay." Steve gives her a final pat and leaves. Darcy forgets to even look at his ass.

Right now she can't be bothered to try and figure out what Steve means by _tomorrow_. More than anything, Darcy's resenting the fact that people are going around discussing her personal life and there's nothing she can do about it because those people are _actual super heroes_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with this travesty so far.


End file.
